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Meg to empressaurelius: Hullo Spike, Welcome to John Barrowman's world of sex, you are SO VERY worthy of admission, baby.

Have you ever been so sick of being so ill that you promised yourself you'd jump out the window if you

sneezed

one

more

god damned

TIME??

*crawls away to watch Autopsy and make light of the situation*

So last night dad and I lit the fireplace, put on the last two episodes of Torchwood, and drank a lot of beer.

It was incredibly fun. And the tie into Utopia? Seamlessly cool!

I'm done.

Hay guys! Hope everyone is doing well. I sure miss you guys, and I hope the new season is being good to the H/W league.

Anyway, as you can see, I haven't exactly been making frequent appearances. The lack of activities to take place in sort of limit the fun of livejournal. I don't plan on deleting my journal or anything, the blogs will probably just be few and far between. I guess the House fandom part of my life has come to a close. I'll never not love the boys, you guys, roleplaying, and writing. It's just different now for obvious reasons. Maybe some day I'll be in the mood to share fic again, and if that happens, awesome. At this point I'm just really glad and grateful to have kept the friends I have. That's what counts.

As far as real life goes, things are good. For the first time, really, in two years. I finally met someone who's making me happier than I can say. And I'm enjoying it more than words can define. So maybe the fact that my online life has slowed down is a good thing. I don't think I'll ever be able to completely shake off the love I have for LJ and fandom, but I am really relieved that the days are bright again.

Other than that, school's doing fine and I'm planning a trip back to New Orleans for Thanksgiving. It should be fun, especially since I'm dragging Clay (that's his name) along with us. He's never been to New Orleans before, and introducing him to the scoobs should be quite the exciting occasion. I'm trying to introduce him to Doctor Who and such as well. Yay for spreading that Tennant love!

Goodness it feels great to blog. I hope everyone's doing great. I'd like to thank Bri and Bunny for keeping my ass afloat with their friendship for the past month. I'd love to know how all of you are doing so feel free to drop me a comment and let me know. Just wanted to write up a quick journal entry for old time's sake. Much love, mates!

...HOLY SHIT

*does not acknowledge her 2-week-long absence whatsoever*

Gonna take a break, guys.

Thanks to everyone who took the time to talk to me. I really appreciate it.

Take care.

Title: Two Steps Behind
Rating: PG
Summary: They all leave. Some of them the Doctor follows.
A/N: See? You watch Torchwood and this happens.

( Read more )

My iPod broke today. I'm now watching Sixteen Candles. And I want to write but it doesn't feel right to want to write. That can't be right.

Anthony Michael Hall was tiny in this movie. Like... if you've seen Dead Zone and seen this... you could easily make no connection. Why am I watching this movie? Oh, holy crap, John Cusack was in this. Wow.

Yesterday I brought my cigarettes to school but no lighter. Today I brought my lighter, but left my smokes on the counter. Which, I guess, is a good thing since I need to quit.

There's this guy that works with my dad, I met him today. He's in his mid-forties. And he watches DW and Torchwood. He prefers Chris to David. We talked for a good while about it. The rest of my day was Biology and the city bus.

There is no point to this blog whatsoever.

I have a cousin named Evan. He's sixteen years old. I've loved him since the day I saw him, even if he was just a baby then. We get along much better than my actual younger brother and I do. Evan's quiet. Likes video games. Star Wars. Smiles a lot.

He's autistic.

Anyway, I don't get to see him much now. My aunt and Evan both live up in Illinois and when they do visit, they visit New Orleans to see my grandparents (and we were there, once upon a time, too). Funnily enough, I get on better with that aunt than I do any of my other relatives. Her name is Jennifer, she works at a Walmart and collects McDonalds toys for Evan in her spare time. Works her ass off-- and she's a fucking A+ mom too. After my first surgery (putting the metal in) she was the one that stayed with me. Her and Evan watched crap movies with me while I was stuck on the couch. Evan didn't mind that it took me forever to get around then. He'd play video games with me regardless. That's Evan.

I used to go to his AIT (Auditory Integration Training) appointments with him. Jennifer came down to New Orleans pretty much every summer to go to a specific doctor for that reason (medicine is good back home for some reason). He has hypersensitivity to noises, like many autistic people do. He wouldn't go without me there. I'll never forget that.

He's also really, really good at mimicking voices. Like Jabba the Hutt from Star Wars? Dude. He was amazing at that.

Anyway, point is, Jennifer called tonight. About an hour ago. She called to tell mom and me that Evan was working now. Has a job at his school. Vacuums, folds towels, refills the drink machines. He's socializing with young neighbors that live nearby. He's in high school. He's six feet tall. A teenager.

And he's got a job, guys. I just can't begin to express how happy this makes me. For him. I mean the flaming red-haired kid I know and love, the kid that has to have an action figure in his hand at all times to feel relaxed and won't eat anything but cereal for dinner... has a job. In a way it makes me feel like an even bigger asshole than I've felt like for the past two weeks. Fuck my bitching and my tough times, and fuck me for my stupid decisions. In another way I just can't help but feel... amazing about this news.

I don't know. Had to write it down before bed.

Okay.

Tallahassee? For how boring it is? WHAT. THE FUCK. IS UP WITH ALL THE KILLER INSECTS?

I just got attacked by an CICADA. Seventeen years in the ground and the fucker decides to fly at MY HEAD upon surfacing.

My mother was laughing her head off the entire time, btw. Like I was sitting there in the lawn chair with my leg up... covering my head with my arms, while this buzzing insane hyper-fly looking thing makes nice with my personal space.

SDFKLJDSLKFJDSLKFJS has anyone seen one of these before? THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE. *squeak*

Still feeling crap. Didn't enjoy going to three classes today at all. Have chosen to speak in short, choppy sentences. Will now direct to more entertaining topics.

This is for karaokegal (John) and eryslash (James) but I figure no one could really dislike reading this. I'm just gonna link you to alpha_rat's entry. Squee with me, won't you?

YAY FOR BEING SECURE ENOUGH TO SAY YOU HEART LEATHER.

I'm gonna go back to reading Wicked now.

Doctor Who TAKES A YEAR OFF. And they aren't saying if David is gonna be around for series five.

Great. BSG is ending, DW is taking a holiday, what next? Wilson leaves the show? Hm?

EDIT: Thanks so much to _vicodin and lieutenants for the news. It seems that David will indeed be back in 2010. *punches air*

EDIT 2: OKAY nothing's for sure. But we're guaranteed David in the 2009 specials (of which there are three, methinks). *le sigh*

HAY GUISE! CLICKIE.

Apparently the photo was taken by smurphy487 and posted by hughsbeautiful, so thanks to them! DOESN'T THIS MAKE YOU SMILE?

^^

I've decided to continue using this journal.

I know plenty of people aren't going to be too happy about it. And hearing what people feel like saying to or about me is part of it. It was a stupid, shitty, and really sad thing to do. It wasn't a mistake. It was a choice, a deed. I've apologized, but it took me this long to do that. And I did it solely once caught.

I don't want to run from this. By the way, if by some weird chance you don't know about it, see this post. I don't want to forget about it or write it off. I also don't want to leave House, MD, H/W, or any of you. The more I've thought about the whole thing, the more I'm bothered by it and my actions. It isn't gonna stop bothering me, so I figure keeping my journal, blogging, writing isn't gonna do me much more harm.

I understand that many of those on my f-list are ones that were stolen from, hurt, or just plain appalled. I don't want my showing up on your friends list to inconvenience or repulse you, so take me off if you're not interested in seeing me. I understand how distasteful the mess I've made is to many of you and I know not too many thieves (or, rather, big wank-surrounded assholes in general) stick around fandom. If my sticking around offends you, ignore me and do what you've gotta do. I completely get you not trusting me, not liking me, or not wanting to associate with me. I don't expect anything from you. You go right ahead do what you've gotta do.

Making a new name isn't something I want to do - and creating a new identity is just trying to lie some more. People are going to talk whether I leave, stay, or anything else - and you've got plenty of great reasons to do just that. Keeping this name might not work, but I'd like to try. I'm not asking you for forgiveness or looking to try and earn you back. What I did was what I did. You know about it and good. I shouldn't have ever disrespected those writers, their hard work, or myself. It shouldn't have ever happened, but I could've told you about it since it did. Instead I kept a secret and tried to pretend it didn't happen. Whether or not you believe certain things about me-- well there's nothing I can do about that. Broke your trust, and committed plagiarism, then kept calling myself a writer and went on to call myself your friend. I wouldn't believe me either. I'm 19, I've had a tough time of it, but plenty of you are young and most if not all of you have really tough lives (everyone's got their bag of hammers)... and none of you did what I did. You've been through tragedy, lived with tons of crap, and none of you stole other people's fanfiction, claimed it was your own, and doctored it. No, I did that. No excuses.

Not running from it.

Anyway, enough on that from me. It's nothing you don't know. Just thought I'd give you the heads up.

I'm still in a sort of shock, as I'm sure SO MANY of you are.

To apologize is worthless. I know that none of you intend to be forgiving. Those of you who have forgiven me - I appreciate it more than you know and can't imagine how hard it was to do so. I'm still in the process of deleting the blogs, unfortunately it's taking a rather long time. They will all be gone soon.

Obviously the damage it already done. A few people have asked me why I didn't think to delete them once I came to LJ. I sure wish I had. I could've even come clean about it and just tried to move on. I have stolen and betrayed all of you. Of course, that goes mostly to those writers whose work I claimed to have written and posted on a public blog for people to see. It may be a small comfort that the only people who really read them were a small handful of RL friend. It may not be. Probably isn't. I know I have hurt those who know me, who trusted me, as well as the writers I stole from, and in all realness everyone. Even those of you who I don't know and didn't steal from must be disgusted by the actions you've seen carried out.

I'm still deciding on whether or not to delete my account. Trust, once broken, can never be repaired. And I'm sure all of you no longer believe I am who I say I am. Writing and posting is no longer an option. Neither is roleplaying. So maybe there isn't much point in staying. Good. I deserve to lose all of that.

I cannot tell you how very very very sorry I am. Truly and completely. For everything I've lost, you've lost more. You saw me as a fellow, read my work, and called me friend. Now you all feel as if you've had a villain in your midst. Which, as much as I don't feel like one, is the truth on some level.

I'm aware how much heat this is going to bring me. I know the anger is going to be alive and flaring for a very long time. I expect the insults and the hatred. I'm not here to defend myself. I don't deny what I've done. I'm just trying to apologize. There's no way to heal the wounds I've caused and my stealing, betrayal, and horrible horrible judgement are all but permanently engraved.

As for my motive... there was none. It was EDITdirectly after Hurricane Katrina a while ago (not directly after, and Katrina has nothing to do with stealing anyway. Unless you were looting for food and water) that the posting began and I truly had NOTHING TO GAIN FROM IT. And yet here there is so much loss due to the decisions I made. At the time of doing it I was actually the main one who saw it... and I knew the truth. The only thing I can think now is that I loved the show so much I wanted to express that and didn't believe myself capable. That sounds ridiculous. There's no freaking sense to any of it.

I feel worse than you could understand. Or maybe you could. I accept everything you feel like saying and understand completely why you might say it. I am under no illusions. I know there's no OUT here and I don't intend to try and create one.

To those I stole from: I'm a petty fraud and nothing more. All I can do is apologize and remove the lies I planted. I'm so sorry for the damage I've caused you.

To those I've befriended: I've pretty much stabbed you in the back. You can't know what to believe about me and you have no reason to believe anything I say now. Thank you for the time you offered me and the kindness you've shown, be it undeserved in the current light.

To everyone else: I've branded myself a thief and a liar. I've disgusted and angered you. I have nothing to say for myself beyond fully accepting the things I've done and trying to stop the damage here.

Sincerely and Truly,
Meg (awwsugah)

I just saw Ticcy's post.

I don't deny any of it. Never meant to hurt anyone. I know I have.

None of you can ever trust me again, I know that. But I'm very very very sorry.

Who: House and Wilson
What: Watching Doctor Who
Why: Because I'm bored

( Crack behind the cut )